The kingdom of heaven is like what happens when a woman mixes a little yeast into three big batches of flour. Finally, all the dough rises.
Matthew 13:33 (CEV)
If a little yeast can cause so much dough to rise, what could happen if you mix a little bit of soul care into a group of nine female pastors? I would say that yeast is essential to making bread, but that’s not true. Bread can be made without yeast, but it’s not quite the same. The texture is a bit off, it doesn’t have that same melt in your mouth taste, and it doesn’t rise as high. But soul care? That is absolutely essential for pastors of any gender. Without soul care we find ourselves trying to pour into others from empty cups. Without soul care we can’t love deeply or be fully present. We can’t rise without soul care.
Recognizing how vital soul care is, nine female pastors who live and serve in and around Richmond (myself included) met for the first time in January to form a group dedicated to encouraging one another’s soul care. Some of us have been friends for years, others are new to Richmond, and others are navigating friendships outside of a shared workplace. Our ministry experience is wide and varied, both in years of experience and in positions held. But what pulled us together was a shared belief that we needed one another, we needed a space for soul care, in order to thrive. So with help and funding from the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship’s Thriving in Ministry grant, we officially formed our new Peer Learning Group to be and grow together once a month. But we also needed intentional time to cultivate these new relationships, care for our souls, and allow whatever God had begun in us to begin to rise. Virginia Baptist Women in Ministry’s annual Feast offered the perfect opportunity to do just that, so we planned a three day retreat for ourselves with Feast at the center. So with the combination of these women, the right amount of time, and a little soul care in the mix, our prepared “dough” began to rise.
The first thing to bubble up was laughter. Despite the fact that we mostly didn’t know each other that well, laughter came easily and abundantly during our time together. Around tables both in homes and at restaurants, the conversation never lapsed and the laughter never died. But it wasn’t the stilted, restrained laughter of colleagues at work or awkward new acquaintances. This was a deep, rich, soul cleansing kind of laughter that leaves you thinking, “wow, I needed that.” Laughter followed us all throughout Feast as we bent the boundaries of truthfulness so that we could stay together for breakouts rather than be split up, only to be caught almost immediately. (We may be fibbers, but we’re definitely not good at it.) Laughter followed on the city bus as we navigated downtown and joked with our fellow passengers. Reflecting back on the retreat, we were all so grateful for the atmosphere of belonging and beauty that Feast created and for table fellowship where our laughter was born.
As the laughter rose, so did the sense of connection. We could laugh around the table at the funny things that happen in church life, but we could also talk about the challenges of being women in ministry. As one of us said, “Not needing to explain AND being understood was such a gift.” Being with other women who just get it is a breath of fresh air for the soul. Feast provided us with another opportunity for connection that we otherwise would not have had – the opportunity to worship together. With all of our responsibilities to our own churches, having a space where we could join our voices and souls together in worship was a rare gift. Laughter on the bus even paved the way for an unexpected but holy encounter with a fellow traveler. Connection can be hard to describe, but you know it when it’s there. Another member of the group said, “It’s just so lovely to be with people that I feel like I can be real with.”
In her book Holy Friendships, Victoria Atkinson White defines holy friendship as “mutual and sacred relationships deeply formed in God’s love.” But around the dinner table after Feast we decided that a holy friend is someone that we care for our souls with. Someone who can be trusted with the vulnerable parts of our spiritual journeys, and who holds space for our questions, joys, and struggles. Someone who helps us rise, like yeast in a batch of dough. Our group of nine isn’t there yet, but our time together allowed us to put into words what we hope to be in the future. The laughter, the connection, the soul care that took place during those three days is being kneaded into the “dough” of our relationships, and we’re looking forward to rising together.
by Rev. Dr. Anita Laffoon, Senior Pastor
Ginter Park Baptist Church
